i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
