Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did I show you my penis last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
