I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
