she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
