Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
