I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
