cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
