Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
