Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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