dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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