you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
