Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
