Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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