Porn is love you can see.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
