sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
