sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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