So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
