i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
