she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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