I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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