i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
