Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
