so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
