Your tits are I can't wait for
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
