i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
