Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
