i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
