Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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