Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
