How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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