Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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