I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You don't make any sense
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