why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
