Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
