i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
