i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Randomize
