I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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