Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
