Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
