and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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