you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
