By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
