I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
