fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
