Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
