So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
