Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
