Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
