The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
