i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Vodka?
Forever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
